Waiting is definitely something I struggle with... It's been 8 very long weeks since we said goodbye to these two beautiful little boys...
8 weeks without hearing "Mom!" or "Dad!" from Mikiyas. 8 weeks without feeling Eyob's sweet, slobbery kisses on my cheek. 8 weeks without feeling his warm breath against my neck as he sleeps peacefully in my arms. 8 weeks without Mikiyas' amazing little hugs that could light up anyone's day...
8 very. long. weeks...
People ask me how I'm doing and as I put a smile on my face and say "Okay", deep down, I'm really not. Deep down, my heart aches and feels so divided. Many days end with me in tears. Bless Michael's heart for putting up with such a sappy wife. You'd think I just had a baby and had baby blues with how emotional I've become! Until my boys are home with us, I don't think I'll ever fully be "Okay"...
While people can say to trust God's timing, unless you've really done this, it's hard to fully understand that trusting God's timing is not always easy and I've frequently questioned it... Thank goodness God loves me despite my constant questions and second guessing of His time.
During this time, there's been a lot of refining in my heart and mind... I've had to give up control. Control of the situations and control of the timing. I've done what I can. Eyob cleared embassy and right now we are still waiting for Mikiyas to clear. The embassy is trying to get in contact to interview the police officers that were involved in his case. This is one of those things that I cannot control unfortunately. I cannot control the time it takes for the embassy to get in contact with the police. I cannot control whether the police will cooperate. I cannot control any of it. While I'm disappointed that we haven't been able to bring them home, and worrying about if we'll be able to bring Eyob in time for any treatment for him, I have to rely on God. I have to give up my need for control and remember that He has it under His control. And remember that God is good. God is HOPE. And most importantly, God is peace. Peace for my heart. Peace for my ever doubting, questioning, worrying, fearing mind. God is here in my heart and mind. God is here in this adoption. And as bad as it hurts to not be with them, I know that God is with my boys! God is protecting them and loves them, even more than I do, which is hard to fathom.
The past 9 days since Eyob cleared has been full of sleepless nights as we've been constantly checking our e-mails being in contact with the embassy or to check if Mikiyas has cleared (because of the time difference, their daytime is our nighttime/early morning). By 10am, almost everyday I feel defeated and depressed that Mikiyas has not cleared and that's the moment that I've learned I need to, instead of run to my pillow, run to God and allow Him to comfort me with his amazing unending love and promise that He is GOOD and that He has not left my boys and He has not left this adoption from the very beginning over 2 years ago...
Many have asked what they can pray for specifically. Here are a few specifics:
- Pray that the police cooperate and that the embassy is able to get the answers they need (in a timely fashion!)
- Pray that the embassy will get the answers they need in order to not send Mikiyas' case to USCIS Nairobi (which can add weeks to our wait)
- Pray that when Mikiyas does clear, that there will be somewhat inexpensive plane tickets available (as many have been selling out so many options are more expensive) for when we would like to travel (preferably right away)
- Pray that when it comes time for us to finally bring the boys home, that it will not be too late for Eyob to have treatment for the Plagiocephaly. That we either bring them home very very soon, or that Eyob will actually be a bit younger than we think and that his skull won't be as developed.
- Pray for Michael and I. For patience throughout this last leg of the journey....
My next blog will hopefully be about Mikiyas clearing... Hopefully we'll find out SOON!!!!
8 weeks without hearing "Mom!" or "Dad!" from Mikiyas. 8 weeks without feeling Eyob's sweet, slobbery kisses on my cheek. 8 weeks without feeling his warm breath against my neck as he sleeps peacefully in my arms. 8 weeks without Mikiyas' amazing little hugs that could light up anyone's day...
8 very. long. weeks...
People ask me how I'm doing and as I put a smile on my face and say "Okay", deep down, I'm really not. Deep down, my heart aches and feels so divided. Many days end with me in tears. Bless Michael's heart for putting up with such a sappy wife. You'd think I just had a baby and had baby blues with how emotional I've become! Until my boys are home with us, I don't think I'll ever fully be "Okay"...
While people can say to trust God's timing, unless you've really done this, it's hard to fully understand that trusting God's timing is not always easy and I've frequently questioned it... Thank goodness God loves me despite my constant questions and second guessing of His time.
During this time, there's been a lot of refining in my heart and mind... I've had to give up control. Control of the situations and control of the timing. I've done what I can. Eyob cleared embassy and right now we are still waiting for Mikiyas to clear. The embassy is trying to get in contact to interview the police officers that were involved in his case. This is one of those things that I cannot control unfortunately. I cannot control the time it takes for the embassy to get in contact with the police. I cannot control whether the police will cooperate. I cannot control any of it. While I'm disappointed that we haven't been able to bring them home, and worrying about if we'll be able to bring Eyob in time for any treatment for him, I have to rely on God. I have to give up my need for control and remember that He has it under His control. And remember that God is good. God is HOPE. And most importantly, God is peace. Peace for my heart. Peace for my ever doubting, questioning, worrying, fearing mind. God is here in my heart and mind. God is here in this adoption. And as bad as it hurts to not be with them, I know that God is with my boys! God is protecting them and loves them, even more than I do, which is hard to fathom.
The past 9 days since Eyob cleared has been full of sleepless nights as we've been constantly checking our e-mails being in contact with the embassy or to check if Mikiyas has cleared (because of the time difference, their daytime is our nighttime/early morning). By 10am, almost everyday I feel defeated and depressed that Mikiyas has not cleared and that's the moment that I've learned I need to, instead of run to my pillow, run to God and allow Him to comfort me with his amazing unending love and promise that He is GOOD and that He has not left my boys and He has not left this adoption from the very beginning over 2 years ago...
Many have asked what they can pray for specifically. Here are a few specifics:
- Pray that the police cooperate and that the embassy is able to get the answers they need (in a timely fashion!)
- Pray that the embassy will get the answers they need in order to not send Mikiyas' case to USCIS Nairobi (which can add weeks to our wait)
- Pray that when Mikiyas does clear, that there will be somewhat inexpensive plane tickets available (as many have been selling out so many options are more expensive) for when we would like to travel (preferably right away)
- Pray that when it comes time for us to finally bring the boys home, that it will not be too late for Eyob to have treatment for the Plagiocephaly. That we either bring them home very very soon, or that Eyob will actually be a bit younger than we think and that his skull won't be as developed.
- Pray for Michael and I. For patience throughout this last leg of the journey....
My next blog will hopefully be about Mikiyas clearing... Hopefully we'll find out SOON!!!!
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